Why We Hurt the People We Love
Here is a thought:
Imagine how different our relationships — and our world — would look if we could acknowledge a simple truth:
We will hurt each other.
Not because we’re careless or unkind, but because we’re human. Instead of assuming hurt shouldn’t happen, what if we focused on how to move through it?
Hurt happens every day, intentionally and unintentionally.
We get hurt, and we hurt others.
Yet we resist this reality. We tell ourselves, “This shouldn’t happen. Not with people I love.”
But you’re not bad for hurting someone.
You’re human.
And it’s equally okay for you to feel hurt — it’s one of the ways we grow.
Suffering is woven into the human experience. Life challenges us and supports us, often at the same time!
When we accept that hurt is a natural part of living, we expand. We deepen our connection to ourselves, our values, and each other.
Because hurt is information.
It reveals what deeply matters to us.
This feels especially present right now, as the holidays approach. Many of us are about to spend time with family or loved ones — people who carry our history, our longing, and sometimes our old hurts. The stakes can feel higher, the emotions closer to the surface.
Now imagine this:
Each time your feelings were hurt, the other person turned toward you and simply said,
“Tell me how I hurt you.”
No defensiveness. No justification.
Just presence. Curiosity. A willingness to understand your emotional landscape.
When we dare to ask that question — or answer it honestly — something powerful happens.
Connection deepens.
Clarity emerges.
We learn what truly matters to us and to the people we love.
Sometimes our pride gets in the way of repair. We make the other person wrong for hurting us, or we assume that if someone were “good enough,” they’d never cause pain.
But the truth is this: we can intend to be kind and still have an impact that someone receives differently.
So as you move through this season — gatherings, conversations, silence, or distance — what if you assumed hurt will happen, and chose to practice the conversations that bring you back to yourself and to others?
Here are a few guiding reflections:
What am I learning about myself right now?
How is this hurt supporting my growth?
What clarity is emerging?
Sending you a hug,
Nora