Saying Yes When You Mean No? Read This!

Have you ever said the following:

“Sure, I can help.”

My absolute least favorite word in the entire English dictionary is.

S U R E. 😒 😒

Why? Cause this ambiguous word hurts you. It reduces your needs.

It's a camouflaged “yes” that actually means NO.

You might think: “Nora, c'mon.”

But think about it for a moment.

How many times have you said "suuuuuure" when you meant "NOPE"?

And how did it feel afterwards?...

(like 💩)

Saying yes when you mean no is a self-abandoning survival strategy that we n’betweeners learned early on.

And here’s the deeper harm:

Every time you say “I don’t care” about things that do affect you, you send your nervous system the message:

“What I feel is less important than their needs.”

As n’betweeners, we’ve been conditioned to believe we don’t have a choice.

So we end up doing things that we don’t want to do

😔

We’re used to systems telling us what we can and cannot do — with our bodies, our futures, our voices.

Racism, sexism, ableism (and all the other -isms) have taught us that we don’t get to decide. That we don’t consent.

But here’s what I want you to remember:

You always have a choice.

Choice in how you respond.

Choice in how you take care of yourself.

Choice in finding another way.

You have the power and ability to say no.

Oppression wants you to feel guilty for honoring yourself.

But boundaries are not rejection — they’re reclamation.

Sometimes saying no actually presents the opportunity for a future yes.

Maybe you don’t have the energy now to meet up with that one friend, but by saying no and allowing yourself the chance to reclaim your energy, you may be able to say yes to those plans later on.

When we create boundaries, we honor ourselves and our peace.

We honor our time, our energy, and our body.

Sometimes we have to say no to that thing to make space for it later down the line.

As Prentis Hemphill beautifully says,

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

Honor the process of turning things down and letting that plant itself as a seed for something later on.

You deserve to have choice.

XO

Nora