What if the Ugly Duckling Never Turned White?
I was sitting outside at a coffee shop on Frederiksberg Allé in Copenhagen, sipping what might’ve been the best flat white I’ve had all year.
Fun fact: Nordics drink the most coffee in the world — and yes, ours is the best. Sorry, not sorry.
So right there, coffee in hand, I felt totally at ease. Rooted. Present. Home.
Then the waiter — tall, blond, unquestionably Danish — came over and asked: “Euh… do you need eh-nee-sing elze?”
That thick Danish accent.
I blinked. Did I speak to him in English?????
Of course I hadn’t...
Of course… someone like me couldn’t possibly be Danish.
And just like that — the moment cracked.
I wasn’t Danish enough. AGAIN 💔 💔
I felt anger rise in my chest.
I looked him straight in the eye and said, “Hvorfor taler du til mig på engelsk?” (Why are you speaking to me in English?).
His face 😳 That old ache came rushing back.
The one I’ve carried since I was little.
The one that remembers having to explain, again and again:
“That YES, that White Danish woman is my mother.”
“That YES, I was born here.”
“That YES, I speak Danish, and don't have an accent.”
It’s the heartbreak of being a misfit in the home where you’re still treated like a guest.
Denmark is home to Hans Christian Andersen, the beloved author who gave the world The Ugly Duckling — the story of a rejected, awkward little creature who grows up to become a beautiful swan.
It’s a tale about transformation. About finding belonging once you’ve changed enough to fit the image of beauty.
But H.C. Andersen may have forgotten to include n’betweeners in that story.
Maybe I’m the Danish Ugly Duckling he never imagined. The one who didn’t just grow into something White and blond… but had to prove, over and over again, that she belonged here in the first place.
You’re probably an Ugly Duckling too.
Of being misunderstood — not just once, but constantly, because your identity doesn’t fit neatly into a box.
Of being asked, “Where are you really from?” before you’ve even said your name.
Of shrinking your accent, your hair, your truth — just a little — to stay safe.
Of laughing off microaggressions because you don’t have the energy to educate. Again.
Of wondering if being fully yourself is worth the cost of being fully seen.
These are the quiet negotiations so many of us make — as n’betweeners.
Too much here. Not enough there.
Always code-switching.
Always translating.
Always carrying context that others don’t even see.
Let me say this clearly:
You're not too much. You're more than enough.
You are a misfit. An n’betweener. And that is your magic.
What makes you different is what makes you powerful.
The world does NOT need more people who fit in. It needs more people who stand out. Who speaks truth, even when it trembles. Who refuse to disappear.
That’s why I created The nest — a 5-month coaching program and community for n’betweeners like us. A space where you are done playing small. Where your complexity is celebrated. Where you get to come home to yourself — fully, unapologetically, gloriously whole.
If this stirred something in you — hit reply. Tell me your misfit moment. I'll respond and read it.
Come meet your fellow Ugly ducklings - in The nest.
Hugs
Nora
P.S. Misfit — don’t wait for others to see the swan in you. You were never the problem. You belong here - in The nest.